Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category
Sometimes I feel Like This
Sunday, April 20th, 2008Do I Believe In THIS God?
Friday, February 8th, 2008“Go and strike the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead with the edge of the sword; also the women and the little ones. This is what you shall do: every male and every woman that has lain with a male you shall devote to destruction.” And they found among the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead 400 young virgins who had not known a man by lying with him, and they brought them to the camp at Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan.And Benjamin returned at that time. And they gave them the women whom they had saved alive of the women of Jabesh-gilead, but they were not enough for them.
And the people had compassion on Benjamin because the Lord had made a breach in the tribes of Israel.And they commanded the people of Benjamin, saying, “Go and lie in ambush in the vineyardsand watch. If the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in the dances, then come out of the vineyards and snatch each man his wife from the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.And the people of Benjamin did so and took their wives, according to their number, from the dancers whom they carried off.
Do I belive in a God who approved of rape, murder, and marriage by force?
Did the same god utter these words
28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Is the God of the bible the ultimate standard of morality or the human will? How can he be when he approved rape, pillage, and murder.
Can the God who gave the ten commandments be justified in ordering his people to break them?
If Jehova has changed his standards with time, can I?
I wonder as I wander.
Ciao
Schizo
Verses from ESV Judges 21 and Matthew 5
Christmas Post
Wednesday, December 26th, 2007This was supposed to be up on Christmas
but then,
Work
need i say more
its not that bad though, in fact lots of it is fun
work
but work is work
is lack of freedom
or thinking space
is time spent
in slavery
this is not poetry
was not meant to be
Christ was apparently born today many many many years ago
and man shall live for ever more
because of Christmas day
the one without Santa clause and gifts and parties
the one in a stinking shit filled stable
with a weeping smelly baby
have to reach the ward at 5 am tomorrow.
night
schizo
Existential Liberation, From Schizo To Shrink
Sunday, August 12th, 2007
For six long years I have been bitching about my course and job, as a expression of my constant and persistent feeling of being out of place in the medical system. In spite of trying real hard I have never felt at home in the system, not that I didn’t like or enjoy anything but the thought of doing it for the rest of my life was always too stifling. And so, Some time in my second year I decided that if I did pursue future education it would be purely to keep family and friends happy and my stomach full. Not for passion, as medicine and passion for me seemed absolute contradictions, but out of need. But as much as my resolve may be, the constant thought of why I landed in such a good place if was to hate all of it kept coming, to me, leading to a large part of the existential anguish that has been poured out in honesty and jest on the blog. This was of course till last week.
As part of our internship we are allowed to select two postings two weeks long each. This posting is generally taken to get some much needed free time, so mostly people choose departments that really don’t need interns and don’t expect much from them either.
That I have always liked psychology is something you might have noticed if you have been regular on the blog, and if you know me, so because of that and a suggestion made by the best friend once in passing that I would make a good psychiatrist (which I remembered only now, see, psycho sub conscious stuff already) made me take psych as my first elective.
From the first day I was under the wing so to say of a consultant who is also a good friends mom (and a really really nice Christian), I am sure it’s partly her influence, but as soon as I began, I knew I was going o enjoy it, and two days into the posting I was practically delirious with joy, I felt at home and at ease I LOVED being there, the pace of the job, the mental challenge of the job both so appealed to me. for the first time in years I was content and happy to be a doctor. Talk about a burden being lifted. Such clarity of thought is never been my experience.
In short, a large part of my existential angst is suddenly lifted, I am reasonably sure that i want to specialize in psych.
In short the mental health department made a future shrink out of the Schizo.
Now, I know what bubbly means!!!
Bless y’all
schizo
Photocredits: sean dreilinger, spotted-dog-inc and ucumari
Escapism, The Shrink And His Revelation. (I know it doesnt make sense, thank you)
Sunday, August 12th, 2007I am at home, but soon will be on my way back to Vellore. Much has happened after the last post, a lot of good, exciting life changing stuff, the kind that makes great blog posts, but for some weird reason I have not made myself sit down and type it all down. One of the great things about coming home is that I can meet up with the best friend who I sorely miss , so today we met up for lunch, yapping, ogling and coffee in the town’s only mall. As usual traded stories, (though there is hardly any catching up needed, thanks to the internet) teased each other and I tried to do some shrink-work on her and (very accurately diagnosing her) told her she was being an escapist.
On my way back as I was ruminating about the day it suddenly struck me, that was exactly what I was doing about the blog. Escaping from discipline of blogging bec it does not give immediate returns always and bec of inertia. Will be writing more about inertia later (I swear I will). So though this post does not make absolute sense It will appear because the only way out is to make a break in the circle of escapism.
ciao
The Liberated One
(schizo)
Two songs I love.
Friday, May 11th, 2007I have seen peace. I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.
I have seen birth. I have seen death.
Lived to see a lover’s final breath.
Do you see my guilt? Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?
And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend. I’ll cry on your shoulder.
You’re a friend.
You and I have been through many things.
I’ll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn’t cry for anything,
But don’t go tearing your life apart.
I have seen fear. I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.
And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.
And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I’m a friend.
By James Blunt.
I have friends, good ones. Thank god.
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Remember my dysfunction?
Adventures with Ubuntu Part One [late edition]
Saturday, March 17th, 2007This Post was suppposed to have been up ten days ago.
What can I say, I finally managed to install ubuntu but I don’t know if I am the conqueror or the conquered.
Ubuntu is different from windows. There, I did it, I just won the Captain Eric Moody understatement prize.
I dont understand why linux guru’s after all this ghardowrk cannot make a package that normal people can use. How can linux expect to take the world by storm if to get mp3’s and dvd’s playing one has to sudo this and ./configure that? It’s ridiculus, I say. I tried Suse, frankly I found the installation process way better than ubuntu’s. Unfortunately the installation aborted due to some error that I could not understand. Installing Ubuntu took 6 tries, believe me, even if it were my extremely technically challenged mom who were installing windows, she would have no such trouble. I know i should not compare linux with windows, but i cant help it i’ve been a windows whore for too long.
Things I want to do
- Change the ghastly orange brown to soemthing bright and blue
- Get the damn MP3’s playing
- Figure out how to play movies. from divx to mpeg
- Figure how I can connect to the net using my nokia 6020 and airtel.
ciao
schizo
