The Blog Of Dysfunction

I had a terrifying nightmare last night. I saw some of my worst fears and things that disgust me the most played in my mind, as if on a ultra large screen, for hours. All this while I wanted to make it stop but felt like something was holding me down making me crippled. The worst bit was that somehow, as only in a dream one can, I felt I was involved in everything I saw, and perhaps was even responsible for them. I woke up feeling insecure, scared, and deeply disturbed. Could not bring myself to face the day work and decided to deal with the situation and so just went back to sleep.

Fortunately my escapist-sleeping-mode has a cocoon of “nothing can disturb” charm around it. When i am in it, I feel and see nothing, I am free. And so I woke up feeling marginally refreshed and greatly distanced from the morning’s experience, I cannot recall most of the dream , all I remember are some vague and disconnected images. And yet that’s bad enough.

I haven’t had a nightmare in many many years, and can only trace this one to some rather disturbing thoughts I have been pondering on and struggling with in the recent past. I don’t want to sound like some one with a terribly depressing and scarred childhood but I do have some rather disturbing childhood memories, and have always thought that I had somehow adjusted to them and overcame them, because most of them do not seem to affect my day to day living and frankly I know I am too well adjusted to be one of the proverbial walking talking repressed memory depots.

I should probably stop obsessing over the dream now and instead schedule a session with my shrink sometime.

ciao

schizo

Photos byconfusedvision and Bukutgirl