Remember my post on how I hate the term “Just Friends” ? Just the other day I got an email from a reader, expressing her opinion on the matter. She looks at the situation differently from me, for a good reason. It made a real good read so I decided that the other readers also deserve the treat. Here it is.
When does one know that the relationship that you have with someone of the opposite sex is purely friendship and not something else?
Unlike you seem to think, realizing romance and acknowledging it is not easy at all. It is easy for the line to get blurred in other’s eyes simply because you spend too much time with the other person.
What about if you just meet this guy and so enjoy spending time with him and then all your friends say “hmm… is anything going on?” and you happen to find the guy attractive, and also enjoy spending time with him, then sometimes it is hard to make your own mind up as to what you want in the relationship. You are not sure what the guy wants. Btw I’m female and have one male best friend, very platonic relationship, and am jus recovering from another relationship that started out as being friends but ended up .. where?
Anyway.
To continue.
You meet this guy, he’s interesting, nice to flirt with, and he makes you laugh and remembers what you say and what you like and he pays you a lot of attention. It’s flattering. Is this on the way to romance or on the way to a great friendship? Just how much time and energy does one invest in a relationship and how much do you allow yourself to be involved in the other person’s life to keep that distance that says this is friendship and nothing else.
This is when most people say “no, we’re just friends” ‘cos, face it, who wants to declare to the world the fact that, well they jus might really like this guy? that’ s putting yourself on the line, making yourself very very vulnerable. Not only are you worried about what the rest of the world thinks, what’s really scary is that you don’t know what the guy thinks and it’s easier to deny it to yourself and to the world. A bit cowardly I know, but in a way self preserving. After all who wants to face rejection? Much easier to dupe yourself. After all how does one know that this is the one, the Mr. Right? He could be very truly just a colossal crush.
Anyway. Good luck to those in any sort of a budding relationship.
Word of advice - don’t get physical. don’t. It jus messes with your mind and somehow you wont end up using those little cells of grey matter that you have. You end up thinking you like the guy a lot more than you really do and one day the bubble will burst and you jus may find yourself looking at this guy and thinking, what ever did I find in him? Other than the fact that you loved being cuddled you may not even have a friendship or any trust or any thing left . Wait. Be a bit rational. And pray. And when God tries to tell you something, please listen.
Please note that the grammar and spellings have been modified to make it readable but just barely.
Now readers, what do you say, does she make sense? Is she misreading my post?
I will be doing a follow up post soon.
ciao
schizo
21 responses so far ↓
1 QueenBitch // Feb 16, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Im sorry but i dont believe men and woman can be good friends without some feelings getting involved at least by one side….
2 Schizo // Feb 16, 2007 at 10:09 pm
my my QueenB why would you be sorry if you believe that?
I agree that some feeling can get involved, the point is we can choose to ignore them, counting a friendship more important. what do you say?
3 wagi // Feb 17, 2007 at 1:37 am
Here’s a good way to find out if men and woman can be good friends. If you are hot, no. If you are fugly then yes.
4 QueenBitch // Feb 17, 2007 at 1:48 am
bahaha Wagi but if both friends are fugly then dont they become hot to each other cuz they know they cant do better???
LOL
and Shcizo no i dont believe feelings can be pushed aside forever it just wont work!
This will only work if one of the friends is gay…. this is the only way it will work in my life anyways lol
5 wagi // Feb 17, 2007 at 2:47 am
“bahaha Wagi but if both friends are fugly then dont they become hot to each other cuz they know they cant do better???”
I guess that’s the reason why ugly people are still around.
6 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 8:22 am
uh oh is that why everyone here thinks i am gay?
7 Tisha // Feb 17, 2007 at 9:06 am
^.^ babe calling! truly insightful post! like the new template too! xox
8 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 9:10 am
*knocked over flat by hot-ness overload*
what can i say. Honoured.!!
9 Aaron // Feb 17, 2007 at 9:23 am
Personally, I don’t think you can compartmentalize relationships, saying that we’re just friends, or we are lovers, etc.. Relationships are constantly evolving, you never know where they’ll take you, so you should always keep your mind open for new possibilities.
Always be ready for love when it comes your way, never rejected it simply because it doesn’t fit into your preconceived notion of what that relationship should be.
10 Tisha // Feb 17, 2007 at 9:25 am
my honor schizo! namaste
11 Tisha // Feb 17, 2007 at 9:27 am
perfectly said Aaron!
12 sulz // Feb 17, 2007 at 12:44 pm
i believe that a guy and a girl can be friends. i have two classmates who embody that term “just friends”. i used to find it hard to believe because they would do almost everything together. now i know better because i’m somewhat close to that guy myself, though not as close as the female classmate is.
the term “just friends” can have a temporary tag. it can change at any minute should it so happen. it can also stay permanent if the boy and the girl are genuine about the friendship and not secretly looking for more than that.
13 nelsonnium // Feb 17, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Just friends at least here in the closet minded Indian community means the two ninnyheads are going to get hitched in the next few months… Basically that they’re courting. Well… There is the other “just friends” bit… But those are the people who you know just cannot be romantically involved… It doesn’t seem plausible/possible whatever! They’re the people who don’t hide the fact that they’re friends and aren’t secretive about anything they do. They shouldn’t be called “just friends”… They’re just “friends”. Hope you got the stupid play on words.
14 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 1:06 pm
@Aaron solid advise. I agree that a perfect compartmentalization is very difficult, but you can have just one wife at a time right? similarly, can some one not be called a friend, not lover, once you have another lover already?
In my culture, or in my POV my wife will be my lover, so i can make come compartments.
15 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 1:08 pm
@ sulz. thanks, i am glad to know i am not alone.
“boy and the girl are genuine about the friendship and not secretly looking for more than that.” that is a very very crucial step in any friendship of any sort, very insightful of you youngun
16 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 1:10 pm
@tisha
have you never ever had a very close friend of the opposite sx for whome you had no other feelings but freindhip?
personal question i now but am curious, others can answer too, i am just trying to see if i alone am a liberated being
17 Tisha // Feb 17, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Schizo, yes I have many male friends for whom I have had no sexual feelings for and these are the healthiest of realtionships in fact because there isn’t a constant blockage of that sexual attraction that seeps in every now and again, see what I mean???
18 Schizo // Feb 17, 2007 at 5:02 pm
hmm. i think i get it.
19 thereaderwhowrote // Feb 17, 2007 at 8:20 pm
hmmm…. and now i understand jus exactly how the way we read things is so colored by our experiences.
schiz, will comment later.
20 eastcoastlife // Feb 18, 2007 at 12:52 am
I just don’t think the guys want to be just friends. The male friends I have frequently ended up falling in love with me.
I’m married, and to avoid gossips, I try to keep a distance from any male. But the thing is, I prefer to be with guys because I can’t stand certain women who are petty, bitchy, jealous…etc.
Why are the best things in life immoral, illegal, irresistible? oh… and fattening. lol
21 Schizo // Feb 19, 2007 at 11:01 pm
@Eastcoastlife , sucks to be a babe sometimes eh?
I will be your friend and wont fall in love;-)
ciao
blog on
schizo
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