The Blog Of Dysfunction

Or, “How Maslow would have categorized Bloggers.” Background.

To begin with, an over simplification of the great psychologist’s findings.

According to Maslow, People can be can be categorised and understood on the basis of their basic driving needs and all humans go through these stages. The number of people in the stages is like a pyramid, most in the “lower stages” least in the “higher” stages. He proposed five stages.
Now for the curry.

Newborn Noob (Physiological needs)

Driven purely by the need to begin an existence.

Though process goes something like this;

• Torn between “Everyone’s doing it” and “Should I?”
  
• Which blogging platform?
• Which template?
• Firefox 2 or IE7?
  
• What do I write?
• Will anyone read it?
• What will I write tomorrow?
• What the hell is RSS?
  
• Oh dear! why did I have to begin blogging!!?

Identifying him

• Opening posts go “This is my first post. I don’t know why I am doing this but I hope you like it”
• Has the same blog in more than one platforms.
• Spends hours reading “blogging for idiots” articles.
• Abundant spelling mistakes
  
• Plain, unadorned template.
• Writes some fabulous posts but no one diggs

Toddler Noob ( Safety needs+Love and social needs)

Has a blog, sticks to one platform.

Thought process.

• How do I get more people to read my great blog?
• Somebody notice me please!!
  
• How do I write a better post?
• Am I posting often enough?
• Will people like my blog?
• Bloglines or Google reader?

Identifying him;

• Blog awash with widgets and banners
• HUGE blogroll (more than 25 links)
• Feed subscription option has ten feed readers or more
• Has site meter
  
• Checks site meter every five minute
• Writes exclusively on hot topics
• Average posting rate is twice daily
• Links like CRAZY to other blogs
  
• Has adsense or some other ad script
• Comments furiously in other blogs

Haughty Noob (Esteem needs)

Al set to take over the world

Thought process

• Why the hell don’t more people read my blog
• God! these new bloggers! they just dont have any class
• What’s so great about the “WP Blog of the day” mine is far better anyday
• How do I get to the WP front page
• Why am I not making much from adsense?
• What are the topics people like to read
• What sensational news/post can I come up with
• Dreams he is on Digg front page for one whole page
  

Identifying him

• Writes exclusively about “Hot” topics
• Reads boing boing digg and what’s hot in delicious every hour
• Irrespective of what the blog was meant to be about, now it has techie stuff or celeb news
• Frequents the big guns (Micropersuation, Googleblogscoped etc.)
• Knows whats the latest and who’s the hottest
• Can speak geek or pretends to
  
• Glorifies Firefox and broadband and linux and GTD till it sounds like he is selling them or he’s found an alternate to sex
• Sends his posts to the big guns in hope…
• Post quality is inconsistent but rate of posting is
  

Not A Noob (Self Actualization)

Established a niche, grown out of nappies.

Thought process

• I will blog on what I am passionate about
• Adsense?
• Feed reader’s?
• Lot’s of good blogs out there
• More people should blog
• Hope what I write is of use to some one
• I worry not about the next post

Identifying him

• Blogroll has less than ten sites
• Noobs write to him in hope
• One or two sidebar widgets
• Posts only when he has something good to say
• Post quality is consistent, rate is not
• Links to real good stuff

God Mode (Nirvana/Spiritual needs)

Well beyond the hassle’s of the lowly blogworld.

Thought process

• My blog
• Me
• People?
• Digg?
• Technorati rank?
• —Silence–

Identifying him

• Quoted by non-noobs
• Worshipped by noobs
• No blogroll
• Writes bullshit and still gets Dugg
• Refers to himself in third person
• Quotes only himself
• Writes only when free from endorsing this and speaking on blogging there

Here end the profound psychological-philosophical nuggets of wisdom observed and inferred by the great schizo

Disclaimer: Finding your self in more than one category may lead to existential confusion, but it does not qualify you as a schizo. There is only One.

So where are you? Wanna add examples?

Ciao

Schizo

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Photo Posted By Theronin