The Blog Of Dysfunction

As I mentioned in many an earlier post, i have my final MBBS exams going on. My theory exams are over, and divine intervention or absolute carelessness of the paper corrector is needed to make me pass in pediatrics, and perhaps surgery.

My practical exams begin on Tuesday. The practical exams consist of  case discussion, spot diagnosis and viva voce. There are long cases, short cases, operative surgery, management of emergencies, and lot more.  There is so much to study, so many cases (diseased people) that we are expected to know everything about, that it’s futile to try study everything so I’m gonna select the most probable and common cases and study them well.

I am scared because in-spite of being told many times that passing is not very difficult every year many fail, with no apparent pattern, no recurrent mistakes to learn from. I failed an exam in first year and the fear of failure has never left me, it’s there in the back of my mind always lurking in the dark, and pounces on me every-time my guard slips, like now. Too many things rest on my clearing it this time, from  self confidence to career choices. The worst thing is, there is a small voice at the back of my mind constantly telling me  “you could have done better” and “you didn’t give it your 100 percent”. Hell i don’t know what my hundred percent is.

I am confident because I have worked hard, very hard, harder than ever before, and because I know I know enough to pass and start off as an intern.

Quite a disparity in the emotions and number and weight of reasons eh?

Well that’s enough rambling and soul-exposing , back to them books we go.